nice

mario party 8 came out today. That's probably going to own my life for the next few weeks. Can't decide if I want it for myself though... hmm...

I played quite a lot of it today with Stephan and Paul & Kevin Green. It was good times.

It's a good thing that sort of stuff is attractive.

Oh wait. It isn't.

sched

Today I was rejected from another job. This time it was to cover for a guy who ended up in the hospital. He delivered mail between schools within a school district. Looks like I'm not capable of doing that. Or I'm over-capable. Either way, I still don't have a job.

I hung out with Aaron tonight, and it was pretty rockin'. He picked me up and we wandered around for a while, stopping at Barnes and Noble, A&P, and grabbing a milkshake with Jane at the diner. We ended up playing guitar and making music in the parking lot of Downing park. It reminded me of good times, when I really didn't have a worry at all... and I had a job.

Anyway, I'm hoping to have some good times in the near future. I need to figure out what to get my sister for her birthday this friday. She's turning 18, which is intense.

Well, good night, you guys.

cartoon #2

cartoon #1

I thought I'd start posting my web cartoon here. These are all ones I've made in class. And no, I don't actually draw like that for real.

a good night

Today I had lots of visits from good people. Ivan and Steve Salcedo made their way over to my house, which was awesome, because I missed the hell out of them. They're good, funny kids.

I got to hang out with Aaron today, and that kicked ass. I missed him like Saturday Night Live misses Will Ferrel. We watched a movie at Jane's house, where an army of friends joined. The movie was the illusionist, which I thought was wonderful considering the fact that I <3 magic and mystery.

I still need to see so many people I haven't seen yet. Shayna and I have been playing a lot of phone tag and I'm probably never going to hang out with Angela :-/. I plan to go up to Boston so I can see Andy Kelly again. Maybe I'll hitch a ride with Stephan.

Another big ambition: improv around here. I used to do it all the time when Emack and Bolio's was still up and around. Now I have to struggle to find a decent place to perform at, and I'm desperate to do some good long-form.

This summer's been ridiculously nostalgic so far, and it's hitting me out of left field. All I know is I want to see faces and friends from the past again. I feel like it'd be really fulfilling for some reason. Maybe I'm watching High Fidelity too much...

On a positive note, I lost another 2 pounds. I thought that was cool. I'm also probably gonna head to the gym on Tuesday with Aaron. Hopefully I can get my sweet GUNS back. Maybe my biceps, too. Silly police.

Anyway, goodnight!

cool dream

Aaron: Hi.
me: hii
Aaron: So...
Aaron: I'm still single... and your love life isn't exactly a Disney movie.....
Aaron: And I think we both need to just throw away our inhibition and go wild on each other.
me: justified

This reminds me of the dream I had last night. I had a dream that I was having dinner with every ex-girlfriend I've ever had. Only, I was going from table to table in this fancy restaurant. It was actually a really good dream. I don't remember too much, but I remember that towards the end I was sitting with Ashley and we were talking about our lives, but it was cool because it felt like we never went out at all. We were just joking around like we used to and that was all. I actually feel like that could happen nowadays, and It'd make me feel pretty good.

I was talking with Jess C. before that, about how we were locker buddies, and then Tracey ran up behind me and jumped onto me telling me we were up next to perform on the stage. I flipped her upside-down and told her I'd be right there, after I ordered a coffee. I then put her back, we laughed and she skipped off to get her guitar.

I know I met every one of them, but I could only remember a few parts... you know how dreams go.

Oh yeah, I remember helping Michelle feed her baby (not mine, don't worry), and she looked great. Tracey and I played an awesome song, which of course I could never re-create in real life.

I've never really held a grudge for too long. Give me a day, and then I'll act like nothing ever happened. Unless, of course, I really get messed up*. Then it might take a month or two. But I'll eventually just want to be friends, and I can forget all the drama. I have a habit of trying to keep my friends, and I feel like the people who help me learn about life (like girlfriends) shouldn't be any different. So for all you ex-girlfriends of mine out there, drop me a message. I'd like to chat.

I just realized I sound like a total man-whore. Let it be known that...well... I don't think I am. :-p


*edited because what I originally said was horribly different from what I meant

a good song

Sometimes, I just look into a mirror and imagine I have never seen that face before, as if I were looking at a stranger through a window. I think up my first impressions of that face, what he's interested in, what his personality is like, and it ends up with me imagining what I would look like in 20 years. I think it's something other people should try. It's even more amazing when you try it with your close friends and family. Just try looking at them as if they were a complete stranger.

I remember explaining this to Tracey and she gave me a look like I invented insanity. I can understand how strange it might be, but I always thought it could change someone's perspective on life big-time.

On another note, I spent the day as I usually do. It started off at 12:00 pm and I bummed around for a bit, playing guitar and drawing in flash. I drew my family into watching heroes and I realized that I needed to download a song from the first episode: Rogue Wave's "Eyes". You can probably find it at myspace.com/roguewave or something, but it can change you. It changed me.

Ended up hanging out with Veronica again tonight, which was good because she's a fun friend and my night didn't end up as dreadful as it could have been. I've also been meaning to hang out with Angela since I got home. We had a great time when she joined myself and Ben and Lauren during a big Westchester visit, and since then I've been excited at the possibility of hanging out with her. She's a big girl now, with a job and an apartment, and it once again blows my mind how fast life moves on. I think I'm trying to grasp the memories of youth while I'm still living them, soaking in every little moment until it fills me up and I'm crying out journal entries.

I think I want to start taking my camera with me wherever I go, but I bet most people would either look at me funny or tell me I was under arrest. Or maybe I'm just overreacting.

Aaron showed me something amazing today. www.myspace.com/doctorsteel . It blew my mind, and for some reason, it made me feel really good. I have such a hope that there is still some kind of wonder or magic in this world that is unexplained by science, and this artist, doctor steel, makes it feel that way.

I'm still the little boy in the back of the classroom staring out the window. I feel like sometime, somewhere, on some other universe, I'm a superhero. I have so many dreams about saving people and doing extraordinary things, I feel like it's some kind of destiny. I suppose I feel this way so strongly now because as the eldest son and all that, I grew up as a middle-aged man through my childhood. I was quiet, introverted, responsible, and mature, and now, I don't want to be. I suppose you can call it a "reverse Britney Spears." All that's left is to marry K-Fed.

Anyway, here I am at 4:02 AM and I'm most likely going to watch an episode of Naruto before I head out for sleep. There's a sort-of improv thing happening in the city and I'm probably going to head down to that with Stephan. Until then, goodnight, you beautiful people.

pirates

Well then. The third Pirates of the Caribbean movie was extremely long. Also, I was under the impression that they originally signed for a five-parter instead of a trilogy. Perhaps some crack was smoked.

Anyway, after I sloshed myself out of the theater at 2:30am and drove back home I sat down and realized that the internet can be very lonely at this time of night. Webmasters aren't updating their sites, no one's on any buddy lists, and it's too late to work on any projects since you could very well pass out in the middle of it, or hate yourself because the sun is rising.

I'm also supposed to go to work with my mom today. Which she gets up for in about 3 hours.

Looking back, the few people who dressed up for the movie, be they scantily clad high schoolers or extremely scantily clad high schoolers, did a relatively good job on costuming. I ran into Jess, Teren, Crash, Judy and associated crew in front of Barnes and Noble before the movie, and they were proud to be wearing their handmade shirts each gel-penned with pirates quotes. As harmless as it was, it made me feel really old. Most of them were older than myself and some have even graduated college. At this point, I realized I was having a quasi-midlife crisis. Am I too old to think those shirts were childish? Will I ever be so pumped about a movie that I'd dress up for the premiere again?

I promptly slapped myself for forgetting the crappy comic-turned-movies and new Anime episodes I feel like a five-year-old about.

I feel that some people might think that I'm oblivious or distracted because I have a bad attention problem. This is partly true. But, it's not really because of a chemical imbalance or strong impatience. I think it's because I think way too much. I'm always in a chess game against the world around me and I have to stop myself from making a move I planned on making after a few turns went by.

See what I mean?

I think, therefore, I blog.

Hmm

You know what? I miss my friends.

The last few weeks of the semester, I barely got to hang out with people as much as I wanted to. I had so many plans in mind to do things with people, and they fell through. Many times, it was because I bitched out at the last minute.

Right now, I miss the hell out of Ben and Lauren. Recently, I found that Lauren felt the same way. What can I say about that? Well, I'm a bad friend. I have no sense of balance when it comes to priorities, and although I think I have a talent for multi-tasking, I have no talent deciding exactly what I should multi-task. I remember clearly making a vow that I should always keep my friends, my family, and my life above work and education, because in the end, that's all that really matters. Well, I messed up big time and stabbed myself in the back with a scheduling planner.

I miss Lauren. I miss Ben. I remember thinking that after they were together it was harder for me to see or hang out with them, but now I realize that I was just assuming that was the situation. They made it clear to me that they care about me (and way more than they probably should) and so I really needed to just man-up and ask what they were up to.

My college life is coming slowly to an end, and I will never forgive myself if I just let them become chapters in that book.

Now I'm off to go see Pirates, and I'll probably talk to them tomorrow.
Not probably. Definitely.

Friends are a difficult thing... it feels like that stupid scene at the end of Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio slips off the wreckage and drowns in the sea. Only for me, it's a dozen DiCaprio's on a dozen different seas, and I'm trying to make the movie a happy ending.

I love you guys.

Good job, again

Way to go, Matt. You ignored the anti-lazy alarm again and managed to bury it under your pillow so you could look all over for it in the morning.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a sleepwalker, so I'm just glad I didn't hide it in the forest outside or something.

Anyway, the big ambition for today is to help out a teacher from my high school who asks me for help with her computer problems. She just might be my big network connection to hook me up with a job at the school over the summer, and i DESPERATELY need a job. My father has no qualms about reminding me of this in place of saying hello when he gets home from work.

It's a big change. The last few weeks of the semester I was so stressed out from balancing my horrible courses and my two jobs and Pappys that I broke into a minor case of shingles. Luckily, though, Tracey was there to help me out a lot of the way, and I also took a well-placed break everywhere I needed it. Now I'm sitting on my ass playing my brother's poke-e-mans'. I live a glamorous life.

Summer Summer

I've been at home here in Westchester for about 5 days now. I've recently finished up my spring semester up at Binghamton University where I left as worried and confused as I was before finals.
I tell people about how I have this great plan to get a BS in computer engineering and an MBA in five years, but now with my recent grades - a C+, three B-'s, an A- and a "pass"- I'm beginning to think that I'm out of a chance.

So, like I always do, I distract myself with more and more "ideas." Only this time, they're more like personal projects, rather than long-term educational goals. The big one this time is writing my own online flash cartoon, which in my defense has been a goal of mine for a long time. But of course, I also want to write sketch scripts, write music for it, buy and play a bunch of games, and other stuff that keeps me from thinking about big-boy things.

Today I did an ass-load of nothing. I woke up to my alarm at ten (an anti-lazy alarm) and promptly drifted off again until 12. Great job, Matt.

I met up with Veronica and she drove us around while we talked, like we always do. We grabbed some coffee at Barnes and Noble, played on a playground at FDR, and grabbed some food at Applebee's. While we were there I got a phone call from Tracey, I didn't want to be the rude guy on the phone in the restaurant so I guiltily held it off 'til we left.

I'd been missing Tracey a lot, and have been feeling pretty guilty about not keeping up with her alot so far. It's only been a few days, and I've mostly been meeting up with home-friends I haven't seen in a while, so I got distracted. I called her back as soon as we left and it was nice hearing her. I still feel bad that I get back home around 1:30 am, too late to meet her online.

Anyway, I hereby dedicate this summer to figuring out what I want to do with my life, or at least figuring out how to handle the consequences if I know I'll end up doing something I don't want to do.

Blog Initiation

I'm most likely going to be using this little blog spot as a big ol' stream of consciousness.


I have a lot of ideas going on in my head at the same time, and hopefully something like this will drain them all out in single-file. Of course, they'll only be looked at by other people if they suspect they'd be in a particular blog.

readysetgo.