Sometimes, I just look into a mirror and imagine I have never seen that face before, as if I were looking at a stranger through a window. I think up my first impressions of that face, what he's interested in, what his personality is like, and it ends up with me imagining what I would look like in 20 years. I think it's something other people should try. It's even more amazing when you try it with your close friends and family. Just try looking at them as if they were a complete stranger.
I remember explaining this to Tracey and she gave me a look like I invented insanity. I can understand how strange it might be, but I always thought it could change someone's perspective on life big-time.
On another note, I spent the day as I usually do. It started off at 12:00 pm and I bummed around for a bit, playing guitar and drawing in flash. I drew my family into watching heroes and I realized that I needed to download a song from the first episode: Rogue Wave's "Eyes". You can probably find it at myspace.com/roguewave or something, but it can change you. It changed me.
Ended up hanging out with Veronica again tonight, which was good because she's a fun friend and my night didn't end up as dreadful as it could have been. I've also been meaning to hang out with Angela since I got home. We had a great time when she joined myself and Ben and Lauren during a big Westchester visit, and since then I've been excited at the possibility of hanging out with her. She's a big girl now, with a job and an apartment, and it once again blows my mind how fast life moves on. I think I'm trying to grasp the memories of youth while I'm still living them, soaking in every little moment until it fills me up and I'm crying out journal entries.
I think I want to start taking my camera with me wherever I go, but I bet most people would either look at me funny or tell me I was under arrest. Or maybe I'm just overreacting.
Aaron showed me something amazing today. www.myspace.com/doctorsteel . It blew my mind, and for some reason, it made me feel really good. I have such a hope that there is still some kind of wonder or magic in this world that is unexplained by science, and this artist, doctor steel, makes it feel that way.
I'm still the little boy in the back of the classroom staring out the window. I feel like sometime, somewhere, on some other universe, I'm a superhero. I have so many dreams about saving people and doing extraordinary things, I feel like it's some kind of destiny. I suppose I feel this way so strongly now because as the eldest son and all that, I grew up as a middle-aged man through my childhood. I was quiet, introverted, responsible, and mature, and now, I don't want to be. I suppose you can call it a "reverse Britney Spears." All that's left is to marry K-Fed.
Anyway, here I am at 4:02 AM and I'm most likely going to watch an episode of Naruto before I head out for sleep. There's a sort-of improv thing happening in the city and I'm probably going to head down to that with Stephan. Until then, goodnight, you beautiful people.
About Me
- hypno_beam
- Into performing sketch and improv comedy with my binghamton university improv group, the pappy parker players (pappyparkerplayers.com), Computer Engineering Senior, I <3 playing in bands
2 comments:
You know, I've noticed something--for a lack of a better word--funny. Up until I was about 19 or so, I've always had that classic elitist view on maturity and intelligence: those who are responsible, polite, and get good grades are mature and intelligence. But lately, I've realized something -
Responsibility is just a euphemism for working for others, politeness is how much you can pretend to care, and grades are just a reflection of how much you care about the education system. In the end, maturity is just a willingness to not complain and intelligence is too vague to label. Over the last couple of years, I've had a meltdown of my ideologies and a complete reversal therein.
I've come to a simple conclusion: %^&* it. The "losers" who reject the societal machine have been right all along; they've come to a conclusion that most people don't arrive at until mid-life: the only objective in life that matters is happiness. And if it takes some stupid, unconventional means to do so, I say do it. Because when you're on your death bed, looking back at the worth of your life, you're not going to remember your income in any given year or the down payment of your house; you're going to remember one simple fact... whether or not you were happy.
That mirror deal happens to me every so often, but usually without my doing really. Like I'll look in the mirror and be like buh? Is that the face of the person who I refer to when I say "I"? As in, is that me? And sometimes it lasts for a while, I'll be looking and just wonder about identity. I didn't know you could do that on other people though, so I'm gonna give that a world.
Also I've been watching Digimon at like 2 in the morning and maybe that's not something I should be doing. Just tossing that into the mix.
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